Inspired by a past journal entry and conversation with the Lord:
I stood there that day loaded down by the cares of this life, the sum of which felt like one BIG, loooonnnnnggggg, HEAVY, harDDD, never-ending upWARD climb. My mind says, “There’s no way this is the pathway to the abundant life promised me. Have I missed it? Did I hear Him right? What AM I DOING?” My heart says, “Hold on, girl. You got this. The journey may be long, it may be hard, but it’s going to be worth it. The Lord is faithful to complete the work He started. Don’t give up. Persevere. You’ll see it all come together. He promised.”
Ultimately, what I knew was there’s something that’s just not connecting. There is a Truth that was settled in heaven long before our measure of time even began… and then there’s the reality of the day to day walking it all out: the act of following the path to the promise while juggling this and carrying that, dodging life’s obstacles and fighting through every circumstance that’s thrown your way just to make it interesting. But, if I’m on the right path, then where’s the flow? Why is there always so much friction? Why does it alway feel like I’m walking through quicksand or running through knee-deep water? Where’s the grace that makes the hard things easier where “even the hard pathways overflow with abundance?” (Psalm 65:11 – NLT)
Lowering my head, I mumbled:
“Lord, why does everything have to be such a struggle? Really…. just WHY? I’m aligned with you. I’m surrendered to you. My heart is yours. I feel like I’m walking down the path you’re leading. So what is it? Why does everything have to be so hard? Why?”
Without hesitation He whispered right back, reminding me of how very close He really is and how acquainted He is with all that concerns me, and lovingly He said,
“Because you’re doing things in your own strength. It’s not you that does the work. It’s ME inside of you that gives you the strength to do what I’ve called you to do. It’s ME inside of you that gives you the grace to walk the path and the power to persevere, to endure and to make it… but you’re operating in your own strength and not relying on MINE. It is Christ IN YOU, the hope of glory, remember? It is the power of Christ at work within you that empowers you to do anything, everything, all things.”
What a simple answer… of course, my heart knows this Truth very, very well… “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 – ESV)
Problem is, my flesh tells me to perform. My head thinks it knows all of the answers so my hands say, “Just grind it out.” But in all honesty, what other way is there? How do you practically walk out the path from TRUTH to natural reality to the good plans and promises actually fulfilled?
Well, here it is again, Lord… all of my striving, all of my “making it happen.” Why do I always feel like I have to help you? I surrender it all again. Now show me how to rely on your strength. Show me what that looks like. I want to see the application. Show me how to walk it out. Align my tendencies with your truth and help me to walk the journey of life out always plugged into the the true source of strength, which is YOU, never me. Help me to recognize that mode of striving that kicks in and ultimately leads to so much struggle. Help me to allow you to take the reins and do the work you want to accomplish.
I really want to get it. O God, just keep teaching me your ways. I seriously can’t do anything without you.